thisistheJam

Tonight I stumbled across something so vile, so perverse, so intentionally placed, that I wrung my hands in disgust until my delicate knuckles bled.  I was forced to apply some hemp ointment I picked up a couple years back at Burning Man Fest.  It was in exchange for a haiku I had inscribed on one half of a torn dollar bill that read:

george bush is so mean
i really can’t stand that guy
he makes me so mad!!!

(Genius, I know!).

I was getting ready to put the finishing touches on my novel, “Ich bin Bush. Ich bin bedeuten.“, when I had decided to do some research.  I must have mistyped as I was trying to view drudgeretort.com, but drudgereport.com was what displayed on the LCD of my Mac Book Pro.  Luckily, instead of hitting the back button, I stopped to see what the squares were up to and have a good chuckle at what must be headquarters for conservative failure, and it was then I noticed what will be the subject of my first ‘Fairness Alert’.

I can finally reveal to the world, irrefutable proof, that Matt Drudge is a mean-spirited sexist.  Hell-bent on destroying any woman politically left of center.  This one is truly a low blow, low for even conservative scum of the earth like Matt Drudge, who is a really, really mean person.

Just look at how he picked three of the most unflattering photographs of 3 very prominent female Democrats, while posting what must be the hottest picture of Governer Palin I have seen thus far.

I mean COME ON!  Hillary, Nancy and that chick from Minnesota look absolutely horrendous while Sarah gets to run around with her neatly tussled hair and strong but feminine jawline.

It’s just not fair to Nancy, whose face, obviously worn from conservative mudslinging, resembles what could be Ty Cobb’s baseball mitt from his Major League debut in 1905. And it’s not fair to Hillary, who must have been recycling used trash bags by wearing that dress made out of them.  And it’s not fair to that chick from Minnesota, who at least knows who she is, and lives out in the light, as a butch lesbian, rather than hiding in the dark like Matt Drudge does after he publishes mean spirited photos instead of answering for his obviously bigoted ways.

I wrote this one for you MATT DRUDGE:

matt drudge is so lame
he sucks and is really lame
lame lame lame lame lame

Watch out FAUXNews!!  You’re next!

- Wilcox T. Farkelstein

The first of many meetings with my good friend and cigar aficionado, Todd ‘Spitzy’ Spitzmiller, went off without a hitch.  Planning for our impending podcast/youtube debut is in full effect.

To taste a slice of the good life, we met up at McCoy’s public house and each enjoyed a Potato Ale while munching on the best Greek style pizza I’ve had in quite awhile.  We talked politics and how we would like to approach new media with our knowledge and understanding of the internet and how it’s demographically placed.  It seems overwhelmingly liberal, but I’d like to think that similar minds and values lurk in the depths, waiting for a common voice.

Next we popped into Fidels’, Kansas City’s ‘Purveyor of Fine Cigars & Tobacco’, and purchased a pair of beautifully dressed Kristoffs.  The smokers lounge in the back would have been our next destination, full of vibrant discourse on policy and change, but the patrons there were watching horror movies while puffing on their Dominican Parejos and Connecticut Torpedoes.  We didn’t want to interrupt.

So in a city that has banned smoking in public (read: privately owned) amassing areas, we headed to the one social area where we would not be cuffed and handled if we were to enjoy the god-given right of a wondrous smoke.  This area would be Kansas City’s newest addition, the Power and Light District.

Missouri football was on the big screen, the huddling masses of fans seeking warmth were crowded around the open fires that spotted the covered courtyard, and it was here that Spitzy decided it was time.  We grabbed a couple Boulevard Wheats and lit up.  The smoke was not as mild as we expected, but enjoyable and rich.  As rich the aroma, so was the discourse.  A background in broadcasting and public relations, teamed with a sound social and economic philosophy, Spitzy is a demanding conversationalist.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.

After Todd introduced me to fine tobacco, I knew I had to give back.  He has a wealth of knowledge when it comes to cigars, and he shared with me something that has sparked a new-found interest in yet another of life’s pleasantries.  For me, the equivalent is the great equalizer: Beer.  So it was ’round the corner to The Flying Saucer to enjoy a couple brews that I knew he would enjoy.

The theme of the night for me would have to have been Belgium, which I first presented in the form of Lambic.  It was damned tasty and Todd agreed.  Perfect for a dessert after Greek pizza and the heavy peach undertone was welcomed to the palette after such a rich smoke.  Indeed, the fancy bottle was a perfect background to more serious conversation which included taxation, our mandate to live life to the fullest, and my indulgence into the cut of the waitress’ skirts.

It was time for our final libation, and it occurred to me that I must introduce one of life’s most fine drinks as our end-game for the evening.  I ordered Duvel for us and as we sipped on the heavily boozy, yet refined, beer from our gold-lettered tulip glass, we came to agreement that enjoying the finer things was not something to feel guilty about, but embraced, as it is the fruits from which our labor has afforded us.

Obama campaign workers in Indianapolis are being stiffed by their employer for pre-paid Visa cards they were to receive as payment for their canvassing efforts.

“I worked nine hours a day for 4 days and got paid half of what I should have earned,” said Randall Waldon. (Quote stolen directly from article)

I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that many of these people are low income earners who never have to pay taxes.  Currently, I work 9 hours a day for 5 days every week and take home half of what I earn.

Welcome to my world, bitches.

In honor of the fairness doctrine that will undoubtedly be shoved in our faces in the next couple of years, I’m proud to announce the addition of Wilcox T. Farkelstein to the very short list of pre-approved editors here at thisisthejam.com. He will make sure that opposing views are respresented here.

I want to be fair and balanced so when our liberal overlords come to check up on me, they will pat me on the head and be on their merry way, proud of themselves for protecting the general public from the truth of their policies.

Wilcox T. Farkelstein is a political science professor currently laid-off from the Kansas City Metropolitan Community College. He has a prestigious record of indoctrination, far left bias, and strong experience with anything ‘unfair’, like losing.

You can travel anywhere in the world secure in the knowledge that when you show your passport, it will be accepted that you are a United States citizen.  Anywhere… except the Missouri Dept. of Revenue.

Back in 2005 they instituted a 3 tiered proof of identification plan for anyone requesting a drivers license.  This included:

• Proof of lawful presence for U.S. citizens. (Birth Certificate or passport)
• Proof of identity.  (Social Security card)
• Proof of residency.  (A bill with your current address)

See, what happened was, people were complaining about illegals getting drivers licenses in other states without proof of U.S. citizenship.  And rightly so.  So, Missouri put together a crack team of super geniuses who came up with the list of items needed to tell once and for all if you were a US/MO citizen, or just some ‘freeloading beaner*’.

Let’s say, for example, you lost your damned Social Security card but you have a valid passport.  Long story short, you are screwed.  Which makes no logical sense whatsoever.

Follow me on this next bit…

One of the most simple logical rules goes like this:

If P, then Q
P
Therefore, Q

It’s called modus ponens and is an implied sufficiency for the existence of Q. In this case, where the passport is P and the Social Security number is Q.  Now, in order to prove that this logic rule applies to the passport/social security card fiasco, you must see if the inverse rule can be applied.

This rule is modus tollens and looks like this:

If P, then Q
Not Q
Therefore, not P

The actual proof works out simply to ‘(P → Q) ↔ (~Q → ~P)’ for anyone that cares, and since these formulas easy apply to my issue, then it can be said that one hundred percent of the time, if you have a pasport, you have a social security card.  Even if it’s not physically available.

No socie, no passie.  It’s simple kindergarten shit.

So why the hell would it matter if I can show them my flimsy piece of worn out, faded, toiletpaper thin social security card, when I have this almost impossible to replicate, forge, or counterfeit passport right in my damned hand.

In my opinion, and by virtue of logical thinking and reason, the passport should always, ALWAYS take care of the first two forms of identification in a set up like this.  The fact of the matter is that government is never here to make your life easier.

*Actual language in MO statute.

“The greedy banks, and their sub-prime loans!  They are screwing people by loaning out tons of money at huge interest rates to borrowers that obviously can’t pay them back!  And now they’ve screwed their investors!  That’s you and me being affected by their greedy, grubby, dirty hands!  And now the government, who is just as evil and corrupt, is bailing them out!  Capitalism sucks!  Capitalism pushed me down at recess!  Capitalism tea-bagged my dog!”

- US and Worldwide Mainstream Media (paraphrased)

As the world collectively yelps a giant “I told you so!” to us stupid Americans, the real story behind what happened to put these banks, and ultimately your checkbook, at risk is being side-stepped.  This is in large part due to society’s collective fear of being labeled racist, even at the cost of truth and reality.  Yes, the real story behind the banks failing miserably isn’t the banks’ greedy fingers, but our government’s popular policy of dipping their balls into private enterprise’s collective mouth.

When banks lend money, of course they want to make a profit.  There is a risk involved for them to loan to anyone.  Less risk, less money.  Higher risk, higher profits.  This makes sense and it is basically what capitalism is founded on.  The media would have you believe that these institutions loaned so many high interest/high risk loans out to reap the rewards of higher profits.  In the world of banking, and good business sense, high risks are never a sure thing and so a more balanced approach to the lending portfolio is generally required to up the chances of actually turning a profit.

While it’s true that these banks DID loan a huge amount of risky money out to sup-prime borrowers, much more than would be sensible to their bottom line, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that they really did not want to.  Why would they?  Do loans defaulting and being sold off at pennies on the dollar help the business model at all?  Sure the guys on top get the golden parachute, but that golden parachute could have been so much bigger had they actually been profitable.

So what drove them to madness in supplying money to obvious bad creditors?  It wasn’t their greed at all.  It was Washington’s.

Enter ‘redlining’.  This was the practice of racism towards poorer areas with a demographic largely consisting of minority residents and the unfair banking practices that would deny loans to them while granting loans to white people with similar income.

While redlining surely existed, and was obviously wrong, Congress decided to quota the banking industry to make sure it was loaning money without much respect to credit, but based on race instead.  Banks loaned money to risky borrowers just to meet the quotas imposed, and politicians got votes!  Hooray!  If these quotas were not reached, the Community Reinvestment Act would kick in and then government could have it’s way with the institution by levying large fines, applying regulation, and oversights to make sure the quotas were reached.

One funny attribute to the Community Reinvestment Act is a portion that guarantees a compliant institution a bailout by the good ‘ole USofA if it hits financial trouble.  See:  Fannie May and Freddie Mac.

The absolute truth is that this little debacle has been created by going against the capitalist foundation of free market and enterprise since about 1966.  By forcing lenders to loan money to whom the government wants, and not allowing them to make sound financial decisions about their own business, the blame solely rests on our beloved government.  Thinly veiled socialism is corrupting our very foundation and wealth redistribution will soon make us all equally poor.

Hippies Wail for Dead Trees

I learned Python in 2 days, furthering my opinion that computer programming is all the same.

It’s a pretty fun language to program in, I like the way it makes you have good form, although I have always made it a point to have clean code.  OCD I guess.  It’s really showed how some other languages really dropped the ball on form to acheive function, but always at the cost of small little behaviors that shouldn’t occur that confuse and infuriate me (talking to you PHP).

It is however, my first leap into object oriented programming.  I should have leaped sooner, but I never really needed to.  And now I have threads!  And subprocessing!  And lots of Monty Python references in the documentation!

Hooray for Python!

I’ve been to many many great shows in my short time here on earth. Last night Every Time I Die, hailing from Buffalo, NY, took the stage at the Beaumont Club and melted the faces of a mostly underage crowd.

Every Time I Die live is almost as good as I’ve ever seen.  Which is weird to say, since I’ve seen so many good bands who are fantastic live.  Face to Face, Ryan Adams (and the Cardinals), and Hum just to name a few.  Obviously, comparing each of these bands respective live shows is irresponsible.  They were all great in their own respects.  ETID captured more raw power than I’ve ever seen.  And they did it with a smirk on their face as if to say “Yeah… we know we’re genius.”